Ask fem Romano
by Everlasting Faerie Light
Summary: Lovina Vargas is answering all your questions! Letters from fellow nations, OCs, made up creatures etc. are accepted! Don't be afraid to ask her anything; I don't believe in censorship ;D.
1. Introduction

Ciao, bastards.

Alright, so my boss said that I needed to learn to be nicer (which I think is complete bullshit). It doesn't help that Feli is being a fucking annoying _idiota _and won't drop the damn subject either. So here I am, willing to spill my deepest and darkest secrets to you _stronzos_. Okay, that's an extreme over exaggeration, but you get the point, right bitches? Si. Good. All you have to do is write me a nice little letter with questions, and I'll answer your bullshit to the best of my ability. If I don't answer you right away, don't flip your shit; I happen to be fucking busy, because I'm South Fucking Italy.

Because my boss is an asshole, he is making me answer every fucking letter I get. That includes from nations, micro nations, cities, towns, and humans. Si. Humans. So I guess…um…don't be afraid to contact me…BUT IF YOU FUCKING BRING UP SPAGNA AND HOW I SHOULD MARRY HIM OR FUCK HIM OR WHATEVER YOU CRAZY FANGIRLS FANTASIZE ABOUT, I WILL SET THE MAFIA ON YOUR ASS? GOT IT?

Well, that's all for now

Arrividerci,

Lovina Chiara Vargas, South Italy

((Alright guys. Here are some rules for the letter writing. You are allowed to ask as many questions as you want in a letter. There really is no limit. Lovina will respond thoroughly; trust me…that girl loves to rant. And ignore her threat about bringing up Spain. Pfft…ask as many Spain questions as you want ;D. Don't tell her this, but I'm a hopeless Spamano fan. She would fucking kill me though.

Also, if you've already written a letter, don't be afraid to write another one. In fact, write as many as you want. But don't write another until your previous letter has been responded to. As she already mentioned, she's accepting letters from everyone: fellow nations, OCs, humans, animals, etc. etc. XD. There also aren't really any rules on what you can and cannot ask…which is why this is going to be rated M to be safe. So anyway…have fun picking on Lovi. She's so damn fun to pick on. You should try it out ;D))


	2. Letter no 1 Spain

Mi tomate how are you? You should come over amigo. ~Spain

…..Fuck off, Spagna. I am perfectly fine over here; in fact, I'm more than fine, you damn bastard! I am living in fucking heaven right now. In fact, it's almost like I am living in the Bible! In the good parts of the bible…you know…with the Garden of Eden and all that good shit. So…si. You can suck it. Okay, okay…so Feli is annoying as hell and we don't have any churros over here…but it's not like I want any, you _idiota! _

Gesu Cristo. I don't understand how I actually survived living with you. AND I AM NOT A FUCKING TOMATO!

Suck my non-existent dick,

Lovina Chiara Vargas


	3. Letter no 2 N Italy

Ciao Sorella~ Ve~~ I made some pasta! Do you want some? I made one with extra  
>tomatoes!~ Luddy is here too~<p>

Come over and eat with us~! Ve~

Love, your little brother,

Feli

**Why the fuck are you mailing me when you and I live literally a few feet away, you damn bastard? In fact, as I respond to this, you are probably screwing the potato bastard in the room next to mine, knowing how stupid you are. But it's not like I'd pay attention because I have badass music playing really loudly… and the music is so damn good that I'll be shitting epic rainbows, tomatoes, and music notes. So vaffanculo, stronzo! Mio Dio, I don't even understand how we are related sometimes. **

…**and Si. I would like some pasta. BUT MAKE SURE YOU PUT EXTRA TOMATO SAUCE ON IT, YOU IDIOT, OR I WILL CASTRATE YOU! When I get there, it better be on the table.**

**And stop inviting that stupid potato humping**_** pompinaio **_**over. His face makes me want to hurl. **

**Stop sucking German dick, fratello**

**Lovina Chiara Vargas**


	4. Letter no 3 Spain

Well i could always buy you some churros amigo. ~Spain

(You are my new favorite author :D)

**DID I EVER SAY THAT I WANTED CHURROS? NO! I DON'T CARE IF THEY TASTE GOOD…BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T, YOU DAMN**_** FIGLIO DI TROIA! **_**Now go into the fucking corner and jack off with a tomato, you damn bastard! **

**Love, **

**Lovina Chiara Vargas**

**(I only added the love part because my boss made me. It's not like I actually love you or anything. Don't get any ideas! :( ) **

((Why thank you :D ))


	5. Letter no 4 N Italy

Ve~ But I just wanna help~ And I thought it would be fun to mail each other~

Ve! Sorella!~ That's not very nice! Luddy is very nice~ He helps me when I'm  
>in a pinch. He can tie shoelaces~ He's muscular and very macho~<p>

And what about you and big brother Spain? You guys always make noises!

Of course I made extra tomatoes~ I already put it on the table. Hurry before  
>it cools~<p>

Il tuo fratellino,

Feli~

**Don't give me that shit, you idiot. That potato humper is bad news, and you know it. I don't care how many fucking times you orgasm because of him and his deformed wurst! And learn how to tie your own shoelaces, dammit! How old are you? Three? Gesu Cristo! **

**ME AND SPAGNA DO NOT MAKE NOISES! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! He just comes over sometimes to bring me tomatoes…that's it. I would never screw the damn bastard, because he's really handsome and cute and amazing WHICH HE ISN'T! **

**And good! I'll be there in a second. If it's cold by the time I get there, you'll be sorry, fratello. : ( **

**Kiss my ass,**

**Lovina Chiara Vargas**


	6. Letter no 5 Prussia

KESESESE~ BEHOLD, THE AWESOME ME!

So, Lovina, it's been a long time since you threatened that if I step within a  
>thirty mile radius you'd kick my ass. I can't even remember why you put that<br>restraining order on... Anyway, me, Francis and Antonio went out to a party  
>the other night, and I got some sweet pictures of Toni's ass. You wanna see<br>'em?

ICH BIN EHRFÜRCHTIG!

- Gilbert Beilschmidt

**That damn restraining order is still on, idiot; don't get your hopes up. If you EVER come within thirty miles of me, you will find yourself tied up by your ankles in fucking Russia's basement, you damn potato bastard. And your ass will hurt because the vodka bastard will have shove his land mass into your precious "vital regions" or whatever you want to call it. I don't give a flying two shits if you're Spagna's best friend.**

**AND WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF THE TOMATO BASTARD'S ASS? GESU CRISTO! IT'S LIKE PEOPLE THINK I ACTUALLY **_**WANT **_**TO SEE IT. **

**Fucking hell, I don't get it! **

**Go choke on France's STD infested cock,**

**Lovina Chiara Vargas**


	7. Letter no 6 N Italy

Ve... I don't know why you don't like Luddy...~ He's nice, gentle and kind...  
>And tying shoes are hard! The laces are everywhere! Ve! I'm 20! ((Human years))<p>

Ve, ve~ But you brother Spain do! It feels like the whole house is shaking!  
>Sometimes he just leaves the tomatoes on the table and he goes straight for<br>your room!

Il tuo fratellino,

Feli~

P.S. Oh!~ Big brother France came by to tell me to come over later tonight for  
>a surprise! Isn't he nice?~<p>

**Nice? NICE? THAT FUCKING DICK ISN'T NICE. I don't know what the hell you've been smoking, fratello, but cut it out! **

**I DO NOT FUCK SPAGNA, DAMMIT! He just…well…he comes to my room because we…listen to loud music. Si! You know how much I love to play my music loud; GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE DAMN GUTTER, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LIKE **_**THAT **_**GOING ON! Like I'd ever screw that stupid tomato head : ( ** ((Lies Lovi…))

…**.FRANCE? RUN! RUN FOR YOUR DAMN VIRGINITY…actually, never mind. That stupid potato bastard probably took it. Mio Dio, I don't even want to think about that. X(. But why the hell is that stupid wine pervert coming over? A surprise, you say? Probably his fucking dick up your ass. DON'T YOU DARE BEND OVER, FRATELLO! **

**Sincerely, **

**Spain's Fuck budd—I MEAN henchman,**

**Lovina Chiara Vargas**


End file.
